Sunday, 20 April 2014


Pulled the car out on Friday. Plugged the battery in, turned the key, blew a fuse. Flipped the fuse panel cover to discover the last of spare fuses that have been clipped into the back of it since I bought the car was exactly the one I needed, so that was nice.

Car started, moved, wasnt full of rat turds. All good things.

Then I was asked to take some photos of dogs.

The dogs were lovely. I don't like the photos so much. Even with two animals who you can pretty much instruct to pose any way you want, I couldn't come up with anything cool. Half the shots weren't in focus or exposed right, and the post production work was a bunch of haphazard knob-pulling in both senses of the word. I also got tackled and licked a lot but I guess that wasnt so bad.

Tonight I watched Millers Crossing over some Madras from the shop down the road and was basically a worthless piece of shit in a black-hole of couch.

Then somehow with a stomach full of oil and fat I went out and ran faster and longer than I ever have before. The fucking run tracker app on my phone even sent me a bunch of emails telling me how great I am.

Friday, 18 April 2014

god damn it, fluff

In the morning we lift the cats off our chests and let them out on the balcony to soak up some sun.

By the time they come back in when I leave for work they feel like fluffy little brick ovens.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014


I finally found the area of photoshop that lets me make my photos look that particular way that everyone elses DSLR photos started looking around 2011-ish.

You know with those matted, low contrast grey shadows on everything? You see them on Tumblr all the time, usually pictures curvy latino broads holding huge glass bongs or AK47s with 5 figure reblog stats. I fucked around forever trying to copy the style in Lightroom but turns out you can do it in Photoshop laughably easy.

So to celebrate, heres a weeks old snapchat that I probably made on the toilet, with none of the aformentioned slider wizardry applied to it:

Tonight I ate a giant lamb shank.

Friday, 11 April 2014


I am choosing to look at this lens like the partnership of two misfits who come to understand each other and do good work together.

Like Turner and Hooch.

I remember nothing about the movie Turner and Hooch.

tunnel vision

Our internet has been dead for the last week and I haven't really given a hot gay fuck.

My new lens arrived. The monstrous Canon 85mm f1.2 L II. The lens that was going to take my photography to the mythical next level.

Being a genius I bypassed the seemingly impassible price wall of $1700 - $2200 by buying second hand from Japan. I scored one for less than I intended to bid and Jesse Streeter Heavy Shipping Concern delivered without a fuss, COOL. Only I think the lens is broken.

I say "think", because I had to take a poll of various internet camera nerds to establish whether rainbow ring-flares were supposed to appear when I point this shit at a light source at low aperture. Evidently I know so fucking little about cameras that I don't even know for sure if they're broken.

So given the consensus is "broken", I can either get it repaired, mail it back to Japan, or more likely just go fuck myself. Maybe this lens will produce cool broken images that people with real gear can't reproduce? Maybe this is the lens by which I will single handedly carve out the new photographic genre of Broken Gear and Negative Seller Feedback? Think positive, serial numbskull.

Running has been going well, rewarding me with 3 nights a week of nothing on my mind but pain and thirst. The distance between mailboxes and bus-stops is getting further and further.

Saturday, 29 March 2014


I'm finding Snapchat extremely inspiring for opening up AfterEffects, but everything else from that point on is fair game.

This started its life as someone elses snapchat video that I was trying to edit some funny out of. The only elements of the original snapchat video that survived into this production were its dimensions and length.

After the first 20 minutes of stuffing around I made the triangle. 45 minutes of idle clicking later I hit a point where I was either going to walk downstairs and take photos of myself, or not. I'm glad I did.

The AfterEffects file for this is a joke though. There are 3 other videos and however many other failed ideas buried in hidden layers under the main composition like fossilised retard dinosaurs. Except they will never have a practical application in the future.

Friday, 28 March 2014

720p skateboarding

I got my hands on a better copy of this series and it was a really good idea.

Anime post dont care

3 meg .gif dont care

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

don't mention the war

The kitchen is done...well its built, I guess 'done' is something different. Something that involves lighting.

We're super happy with it though. Also I'm super happy with not having to greet a german dude holding a hammer when I walk out of my bedroom every morning.

In other news, I am experiencing funny electric-shock feelings through my chest on a semi-regular basis that don't appear to be related to respiration or muscle activity. I thought it might be some kind of cardio injury (??), but my bird says it might be anxiety. I looked up anxiety on wikipedia and was immediately struck by how anxious it was likely to make anyone who read about it.

I made this goofball shit tonight.

Also if you want to nerd out about photography/cinematography/whathaveyouography, go see that Walter Mitty. That shit is SUPER pretty if and when you can see around Ben Stillers ears.

Sunday, 23 March 2014


Went down the coast on Sunday for our anniversary. Ate some extremely not-great food, bought an idiot cowboy hat from the Chemist and walked along the beach a lot.

Came home today and made our first pizzas in the nearly-finished new kitchen.

I also came across this guys work for the first time and it pumps my nards.

Sunday, 16 March 2014

The Majesty

I am about 15 minutes from the peak of a wave of whiskey that I started swimming into a couple of hours ago so I'm going to write this now.

Today {we} happened to repeat a trip to Bribie Island that was made about 18 months ago with mixed results. I wrote about it like a dickhead at the time and it looks like nothing is changing.

The difference with this trip was that instead of being in a Subaru Forester limiter bashing its guts across the sand while we all sweated bullets hoping not to get swept out to sea, we were in a big fuckoff landcruiser stacked with every bit of recovery gear you could imagine. It was a much more relaxing experience.

On effortlessly arriving at our first campsite like a bulldozer in a herb garden, we went for a swim. The swell was somewhat gnarly and took me back to being 10 years old and getting dumped by 1.5 meter waves at kings beach. You know that rad "maybe ill snap my neck and die" feeling when you're upside-down and back to front and your nose is skimming the sand below and you're blasting air you don't have through your nostrils like a rocketship and youre all like "HHHRRRRNNNNGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH" underwater? Good times.

I ate a whole packet of Pizza Shapes and took a bunch of forgettable photos of the horizon, then came home and poured what are to be the last drinks that will ever be made in our current kitchen.

A german man is coming tomorrow to rip out our current room-that-we-use-like-one-would-a-kitchen and build us a real kitchen. With an oven. And a dishwasher.


Jetsons theme!

Saturday, 15 March 2014

residential light and magic

First I was going to edit some video.

Then I was gonna edit some Snapchat video.

Then I thought it would be cool to play the snapchat video inside of a photo of my phone.

Then I thought why not try and make it play in a video of my phone, so it would be a phone video inside a phone video.

So I filmed my phone then grabbed the first snapchat on hand and stuffed it in there kinda.

I placed a tracking point on each corner of the phone screen, then copied the resultant keyframes and attached them to a corresponding 4 corners of the snapchat. The edge of the snapchat looked understandably gross and aliased so i ran a choker matte to soften the edges a bit, then dropped the opacity so that the natural reflections on the phone screen were more visible. I ran it through Speedgrade because why not colour correct my stupid phone video inside a phone video, then put it through Premiere to re-dub the sound which got lost along the way and shrink it down to 720p.

Every step of the above process was bolloxed up at various stages because I was making it up as I went along. I guess the neat thing is I can replace the video with absolutely anything else at the touch of a button. Just in case watching phone videos in phone videos becomes more popular than watching phone videos on phones.